Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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