I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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