Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Randomize
Follow @tfln