God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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