my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
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