Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
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Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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