I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize