No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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