btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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