the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize