Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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