New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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