Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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