My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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