i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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