The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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