Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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