if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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