When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize