And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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