he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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