I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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