overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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