you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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