If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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