Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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