absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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