I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
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imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
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It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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