Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The ass gains better be worth it
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