dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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