Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize