I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
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No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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