I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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