anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize