"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
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and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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