I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize