margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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