I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize