I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize