Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
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He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize