My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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