the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize