I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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