walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
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I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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