Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
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I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
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I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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