my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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