I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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