She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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