i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize