dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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